facebook is garbage

one of the reasons I decided to make a blog is because I’m hip to trends and know better than you do that personal individual un-monetized blogs are coming back big, like ABBA or rickrolling

but one of the real reasons is that the only place I feel comfortable expounding at length about, well, anything is uh like personal emails? not twitter because character limits cramp my writing aesthetic of “too many adverbs and speech disfluency”. not instagram because I only use that for sharing blurry photos and looking at the feeds of famous dogs. and not facebook, because facebook is a place where my extended family and friends-of-friends live.

oh also because facebook’s a pile of shit.

(warning: literally nothing here is anything someone didn’t write better in 2014)

and I’m not someone who even uses facebook in any particularly comprehensive or meaningful way. I’ve used uBlock to hard-block most of its “features”; I’ve literally never touched Facebook Messenger, and when it occasionally decides to activate itself I react like a spider fell directly into my eye; I’ve either unfriended or blocked virtually anyone who I find distasteful for any reason. my feed is basically a bunch of internet weirdos and cutting-edge memes; it’s as close to Weird Twitter as facebook could possibly be

and it still sucks. every “you might like” FB shoves into any part of the feed is horrible and crass and ugly; reading updates from friends is a poorly-formatted chore; for some inexplicable reason there are still react remotes other than wow???; and it’s basically impossible to block out the increasing sense that 95% of the people that anyone knows is some gentle combination of stupid, inane, and myopic

which is totally unfair! because everyone is those things some of the time but plenty of other things all the time. it’s a thing, right, that facebook (/social media in general) induces envy from people who see the lives of their friends/family in a super varnished and idealistic light? but I don’t see that — I see the shallowest parts of everyone, the shitty brands people Like and the years-old memes that were never funny being shared with a LOL and take your pick between dopey cynicism, dopey earnestness, and dopey dad-jokes-but-like-if-your-dad-had-a-megaphone

and then there’s times like this Florida shooting or any other shooting or any other horrific or sad or infuriating thing. my instinct is to engage intellectually and emotionally, to get invested in things that are worth the investment, but with facebook “investment” usually just means reading other peoples’ expressions of impotent rage/sadness/whatever and it’s enervating, it’s as exhausting as if I didn’t block Facebook’s own trending news, it’s as exhausting as writing a blog post comprised entirely of lists, it’s as exhausting as I imagine it would be to actually watch one of those cable news networks for more than like 15 minutes accidentally on mute in a medical waiting room

it makes humanity feel simultaneously miniscule and overwhelming, shapes all the events of our lives completely out of whack in proportion to one another. it makes me want to eat cookies and cry for a while and then sleep. it makes me want to slap all my friends and yell at my loved ones. I mean not always all of or even most of these things, but enough that I think it’s a net negative in the world

so I think my point is that: the nice thing about this blog will be that no one will read it, basically at all, and so I will be spared the suffering incurred by the presence of other people

well honestly actually the real point I should return to is the UI and visual experience, how fucking ugly and dense and unmanageable it is, especially when you block out the worst of its noise and find you have a site that’s using 20% of the width of your browser with no way to force it into using space in anything resembling efficient or readable. and that color palette, jesus. kinja sucks too but at least once you uBlock the shit out of it what you get is stuff that’s meant to be read that you can actually fucking read without a magnifying glass and a bottle of aspirin

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